


Do they care?

by Precious93



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: References to Suicide, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 16:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/725485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Precious93/pseuds/Precious93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is a high school au. there are references to self harm and attempted suicide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do they care?

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I have no idea where this came from. Oh my God, I don't know what I just wrote. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for self harm, attempted suicide.
> 
> Read at your own risk please.

 

**Do they care?**

 

Natasha walked down the hallway of Shield High School. Today was the day she was going to ask him. Today, she was going to ask Clint Barton to prom.

Natasha and Clint had been dancing around each other for years. They both liked each other a lot. But it was more than that. They would do anything for each other. They had been best friends since kindergarten. They only shared secrets with each other. Each of them were private people and couldn't trust anyone.

Natasha was finally ready to act on her crush on Clint. She decided that she would ask him to senior prom.

As she walked down the hallway on her way to the courtyard outside, Pepper met up with her.

“Hey, Nat! Have you asked him yet?” Pepper was always straight to the point with important matters.

“No. I'm on my way to meet him for lunch. We're gonna eat in the courtyard today.” Natasha responded.

“Cool,” Pepper said. “I'll see you later then! Tony is taking me out to lunch!” The two girls rounded the corner and spotted Tony, Bruce and Steve talking in the hallway. Tony waved to the girls and Pepper hurried over. Natasha waved back and continued walking to the courtyard.

When she got there, Clint was already waiting at their favorite picnic table. He waved her over to join him. She down across from him and opened her lunch bag. The two ate silently for a few minutes. Each of them lost in their own thoughts.

“I've got something to tell you.”

“I wanna ask you something.”

They spoke at the same time. Laughing, Clint offered for her to go first, but Natasha insisted he go first.

“Okay, well,” she could tell he was excited and perhaps a bit nervous. “I got a date to prom! Bobbi Morse asked me this morning!” Clint smiled like an idiot.

Natasha was a little heart broken. She was so sure that she would be able to ask Clint and now she was too late. Bobbi Morse already beat her to it. It didn't surprise Natasha. After all, the two girls had both liked Clint, though in Bobbi's case it was only because Clint was popular. Natasha truly cared for Clint, and yes, even loved him. Bobbi only wanted Clint because Natasha liked him. Bobbi hated Natasha for a reason Nat didn't even know.

“Oh,” she said. “that's awesome. Congrats.” She hid her true emotions from him. She couldn't ruin this for him. She could tell Clint was excited to be asked by someone as popular as Bobbi Morse. She was captain of the Cheerleaders. Even though Clint was popular, he never felt good enough for anyone.

“Yeah,” he said. “I honestly didn't think anyone would ask me. I guess someone likes me.” he rubbed the back of his head.

“Of course people like you. You are the captain of the Lacrosse team and Archery club. How could girls not wanna fall at your feet?” Natasha managed to joke, though her heart really wasn't in it.

“Oh, yes,” he gestured to the empty space around them, “ladies are just lining up to talk to me! Better get in line fast Nat or you'll never get a chance!” he jested.

 _I've been waiting for years for you to notice me._ She thought to herself. Smiling at him she picked at her lunch, her appetite now gone.

“Oh, so what was it you wanted to ask me?” Clint said after a few minutes of quiet.

“What? Oh,” she stammered. “It was nothing.”

“C'mon, Nat. What's up?” he urged.

“Nothing, it's fine. Really.” she said.

“You sure?” he asked sincerely. She nodded and the two went back to eating. After another long silence, Clint asked, “So are you going? To prom, I mean.”

“Oh, uh,” Natasha wasn't sure what to say. “I guess not. I mean, no one asked me. I don't really want to go alone and there isn't anyone I can ask.” she said. There was one person she could ask, but he's already taken.

“Oh, Tasha! You have to go! It'll be no fun without you!” Clint protested. He really wanted his friend to go and have fun with everyone. All of their friends had found dates.

“I really don't want to go watch everyone be in love or whatever. It's fine, Clint. I don't need to go. Really.” she insisted.

“Please, Tasha? For me?” Clint gave her an _abandoned-puppy-left-in-the-pouring-rain_ look. It broke her heart to watch that look.

“Sorry, Clint. Not this time,” she stood up and walked away. She couldn't stand it. She didn't want him to use those beautiful blue-gray eyes against her. Nine times out of ten they would convince her to do anything. This time she couldn't do it. She wouldn't put herself through the hurt of watching the only guy she ever really cared about be in a relationship with another girl.

 

Over the course of the next month, Natasha and Clint drifted apart. He spent more and more time with Bobbi and left Natasha behind. She was alone. Her other friends were never as close to her as Clint had been. They were all too involved with their own lives to notice what was going on with Natasha.

She wore a lot of bracelets too school. Nobody noticed the way she kept to herself. She had always done that. Clint had always been there to pull her out of her own mind. Now that he was with Bobbi, there was no one. Nobody realized what was happening.

 

The night for Prom came and everyone went together. Pepper had asked Natasha plenty of times if she was sure she didn't want to go. Pepper could've gotten her a dress easily and a seat at their table. They were one short anyway. Natasha declined each time.

Natasha walked around town that night. She needed to clear her head. As she walked, she thought about her friends having a great time without her. How nobody would really notice that she wasn't there. She wondered if any of them even cared. Sure, they always acted like it, but was it true?

Natasha decided it wasn't true. That none of them really wanted her around. Especially Clint. She was sure he had forgotten about her. They hadn't spoken much in the last two months. He was too busy with Bobbi. She had long since stopped trying to talk to him, to hang out with him. Bobbi had pretty much made him cut his ties to Natasha. She didn't think that had been hard to do.

Natasha made it back to her house. When she went upstairs to her bedroom she saw her phone on the table. Without really thinking, she picked up the cell phone and dialed Clint's number.

“Hello? Nat?” he answered on the third ring.

“Would you miss me?” she asked. She wasn't really sure what she was doing. She didn't feel in control of herself.

“Natasha? What are you talking about?” he hadn't called her 'Tasha'. He didn't care anymore.

“Bye, Clint,” her voice was quiet and broken.

“Nat? Natasha!” he shouted into the phone before she hung up on him. She walked into her bathroom and pulled open the medicine cabinet. She grabbed a razor from the shelf and sat down on the floor.

Slowly, carefully, she marked her skin with cuts. Small ones at first, then she drew the razor across her skin deeper. Her hands were shaking as she dropped the razor. Things started to dim and she collapsed in a heap in the floor watching the blood run from her wounds, not trying to stop it.

Distantly, she heard screeching tires and muffled voices. She heard the front door bang open and heavy footsteps racing up the stairs. _More than one person._ She thought.

The bathroom door flew open. Clint stood there in shock, looking down at the broken girl on the floor.

“Oh God,” he knelt next to her on the floor. “Baby, no.” he turned to whoever stood behind him and yelled at them to call an ambulance. “Tasha, sweetie, what happened?” Clint cradled her like a child. He had grabbed a wet towel from the sink and pressed it against her bloodied wrist.

“Clint?” Natasha asked. Her brain was foggy and muddled. “What are you doing here?”

“Baby, what did you do?” he ignored her question.

“I- I, you weren't gonna miss me. Nobody would miss me.” she whispered. Her words brought tears to Clint's eyes. He hadn't cried since his mother died and now he was gonna lose his best friend. She reached up to touch his cheek, swiping her thumb against the tears, “Why are you crying?” She sounded so much like a child in the moment. So innocent and scared and lonely.

“Baby, why did you do this?” he asked. His voice cracked on the last word. Behind him he heard Steve and Bruce murmuring quietly. Tony was consoling Pepper in the bedroom. Bobbi was no where in the house. Clint hadn't brought her.

“You were happy without me,” tears started to fall from her eyes. “you didn't need me anymore. You didn't want me.” she closed her eyes and let the tears fall.

“No, Tasha! Don't close your eyes, please baby, don't close your eyes.” Clint begged. “Tasha. Natasha!” her eyes blinked open as she looked at him.

The group sat in the bedroom, just outside the bathroom, watching in horror. Soon the sirens could be heard coming down the street. Bruce and Steve ran downstairs to get the medics and bring them up.

Clint refused to leave Natasha's side. The medical team loaded her into the ambulance. Clint was allowed to ride with them. The rest of the group followed in Tony's limo to the hospital. Natasha was brought in and given her own room. The doctors cleaned up her wounds and sedated her. They didn't want her to try anything again.

Clint sat by her side in the hospital room as she slept. The only sound was the beeping coming from the machines. He held her hand in his and wept silently. He hadn't realized how far they had drifted apart. How far he _let_ them drift apart. It was his fault she was here, like this. If he hadn't left her behind for Bobbi she wouldn't have gotten this bad. He blamed himself for this.

He also blamed Bobbi. She was the one who took him from her. She was always insecure about Clint's affection for her. She believed he was going to cheat on her with Natasha. She asked him to sever ties with Nat so she could feel more at peace. And he had played right into that.

He blamed their friends for not noticing either. They should've been able to tell what was going on! They should've done something!

“Hey,” Natasha's raspy voice pulled him from his thoughts. She wrinkled her brow in confusion, “what's going on?”

“Tasha,” he sighed in relief. After she had been given the drugs by the doctors, she was supposed to wake up after a few hours. Clint was surprised she was awake now, but also relieved to see her awake. To know she was alive.

“What happened?” she rasped.

It was Clint's turn to look confused. “You don't remember?” She shook her head. “Natasha what day is it?” he asked.

“Friday, prom day.” she said. So at least she hadn't lost much memory.

“What do you remember?” he asked. He knew he should get a doctor but she wouldn't speak to them. She would only talk to Clint, if she was going to talk at all.

“Uh, You guys were getting ready for the dance. I was walking home after you all left. Did something happen?” she asked.

“Natasha, you-” he couldn't say it. It was too painful for him. “Natasha how long have you been cutting?” he asked instead. This obviously hadn't been a first time thing.

Her eyes widen in realization. She glanced down at her arms in horror as she let in sink in what she had done. Her breathing sped up and her heart monitor beep faster.

“No, no, Clint! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!” Natasha started to panic. Clint held her hand and tried to calm her.

“Shh, baby, it's okay. Tasha, it's okay. You're okay.” he soothed, stroking her hair with his free hand. She was crying now.

“I'm so sorry, Clint,” she said.

“It's okay, baby,” he continued to soothe her. “It's okay.”

 

A few hours later, the doctors had asked Natasha a million questions. After a few days in the hospital, after talking with her Uncle Ivan, who had been out of town the night it happened, she was realized from the hospital. The doctors deemed her stable enough to leave, but she had to see a therapist twice a week.

Clint stayed by her side as often as he could. Often, he would stay over at her house just to be with her. Natasha's uncle didn't really understand what happened until Clint explained it, then when their friends explained it even more. Clint broke up with Bobbi. He couldn't look at her now. He blamed her for a lot of what happened, though it wasn't really her fault.

After a few months of therapy, things started getting back to normal. Natasha hadn't felt like she needed to cut herself. She had a support group, led by Clint. He had asked her out several times since the incident and each time she said no. The first time, her answer was, “if this had never happened, you would never have asked me out. This is pity and I won't take it.” she hadn't spoken to him for a few days after that. Eventually he had earned her forgiveness. He found more and more ways to ask her out after that. It became a game with them, something to make light out of all this darkness.

A year later, Clint asked Natasha to go out with him to dinner. He told her they were going to a nice Italian restaurant with their friends. A celebration for no reason. He asked her to come along as his date.

They all sat at the table in the special room at La Casa Bella reserved for parties. Clint stood up and everyone gave him their attention.

“I would like to thank all of you for coming tonight!” he started. “A year ago, we had a really unfortunate thing happen to us. Our friend, Natasha Romanoff, was in a very dark place and she couldn't get out. She was hurt badly and nearly died.” Natasha hid her face in her hands. She knew he wasn't bringing it up to embarrass her or shame her. It was to show he cared. “Luckily, she pulled through. After therapy and help from her friends and family, she recovered. She hasn't picked up a knife or a blade since then, well, not for that purpose,” the others smiled. Natasha was known to practice throwing knives at targets all the time.

“It's been a year, a time has healed many wounds. There is still one, though, that hasn't been healed.” Clint lifted Natasha's chin so she would look at him. “My heart.”

Her eyes widened in shock as Clint got down on one knew and pulled a box from his coat pocket. He opened it to reveal a beautiful ring.

“Natasha Romanoff, will you do me the kindness, of mending my broken heart? Will you marry me?” He asked.

The room held their breath as Natasha stared at Clint. She loved him. She had always loved him. He had been asking her out for a year now and she had always though it was just pity. But now, as she stares into his eyes, his beautiful blue-gray eyes, that hold promises and love, she can't help but think that she should've given him the chance.

Now, he is giving her that chance again.

“Yes,” the word is out before she can stop it. But she doesn't want to stop it. “Yes, yes!” she throws her arms around his shoulders and kisses him hard on the mouth. He kisses back and when the pull away he slips the ring onto her finger. The room has erupted into cheers. Natasha thinks that these people, her friends, her _family_ , that they really do care about her. She knew form then on that she would never try to hurt herself again.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This was a heavy subject for me to write. I know the ending isn't all that realistic because it isn't something that just goes away. For the purpose of the story, and for myself, that's how I needed it to end. I have never been in this position before-I've never tried to cut my self or use any other form of self harm. However, it hits close to home because two of my family members have been in similar situations. I luckily still have them both and they have moved on with their lives.
> 
> I wish all of you the best. Know that you are all dear to someone, anyone. And that if you go down this path of self harm, you are not only hurting yourself, but those around you as well. Please, take care of yourselves, of your bodies and minds. Love like there is no tomorrow, live as if you'll die today because life is not the breath you take, but the moments that take your breath away.
> 
> Live fully, laugh often, love fiercely.
> 
> I love you!


End file.
